Did you ever just sit back and look at your children as they interact with each other. I mean really take it in and get deep.
We nurtured these children, taught them right from wrong/life lessons. I let them make their own mistakes and cried myself to sleep so many times, instead of stopping them or forbidding them. I told them EVERY story that my Mom told me from her cousin being beheaded in a motorcycle accident after lying to her Mom about where she was sleeping (and we NEVER rode a motorcycle, or lied to Mom about where we were sleeping). I told them REAL stories of how a drug addict can ruin a family and a childhood, and how much pain you can cause loved ones by being so selfish. There isn't ONE person in their life that I have around them that does illegal drugs, because I wouldn't have it. I made them watch INTERVENTION and any documentary on crack heads that I could find. I don't encourage "experimenting", instead they are raised like I was. Before you do anything ask yourself, is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? If not, why do it? That very simple question kept me and my siblings from making many mistakes. I pray it works for them too...
I raised them with their faith to give them a foundation. I didn't "tell" them to go to church. I teach
faith formation classes AT the church, I get benefits for that but I love it all the same. I volunteer when I can, I participate in every fundraiser, they were in choir and the church groups, I'm far from a perfect Christian, but that's what I want them to know....I try. I do all of this knowing someday I will set them free and they may decide to worship a tree instead (just believe in something). I love GOD and I love Jesus and trust me it's not because I was raised as a strict Catholic...hahaha not at all. It's because I have seen too many miracles and I have been lifted too many times NOT to believe. But they have to find their way, they have to feel that for themselves. I pray that they do.....
I was the Girl Scout leader, the soccer mom ,the baseball mom, class mom for all of them at one time some of them at the same time....I painted, sold and created for the PTA, raised funds from local businesses for their schools and had a lot of fun doing it. I made a difference in a lot of children's lives along the way and I'm happy for that. I was so blessed in meeting all that crossed my path.
I let them hang with the "wrong" kid for a bit so that they could see who I didn't want them to be. UGH I shutter at the thought of some of them. Others, my heart breaks because I miss them and they grew apart from my kids and that makes me sad because I truly loved some of them as if they were my own....you know who you are and you love me too and you're reading this now and yes I still love you very much. I didn't want to pick their friends. I wanted to know that they knew how to choose who to keep in their life. Meghan and Brian have succeeded. Kaylee....she's a work in progress. She has a heart like mine and she's going to get hurt a lot. I pray they always choose healthy relationships....
I listen to everything/anything they want to tell me, even though sometimes it's rough and I cringe, I listen and I support them. I couldn't imagine shutting them down or telling them how they should feel, or how they should want to live. That's just unnatural, it's not who I am. I pray they are always true to themselves and I mean it. They know if they were homosexual, in love with someone outside of our race/ethnicity or if they wanted to travel and live like a hippy (which is what their Mom wants to do) I'd love them through and through and welcome whoever they brought into my home with them. I pray they love my Grandchildren like that.......
I showed them kindness by doing kind things and urged them to do the same. For as long as I can remember, on the first day of school they were told to look for the kid sitting alone at lunch time and sit with them. Be their friend, even if they're weird. Weird is good and interesting. My kids are weird. They are cultured and they like music from the 70's, 80's and 90's. They'll get your "Honeymooners" to the moon Alice!! references and they know every Beatles song that was ever made. They have been going to rock concerts since they were 10 years old. They've seen more artists than most adults that we know. They have a Grandpa that exposed them to "Gumby" and Davey and Goliath and "Underdog" cartoons. They have a Grandma that taught them how to garden, cook a gravy on a Sunday afternoon and roll their own homemade pasta. They have a Meema, that will sit and tell them Ghost stories and funny stories from her CRAZY past. They adore their Grandparents, they love their stories and their history. They have Aunts and Uncles...just like their parents, so very cool. Each know they play an active role in their lives. They are respected as equals to Mom and Dad. We have awesome families. I pray they pass that on......
When they were wrong I took the bus drivers side, the teachers side, the coaches side, they wrote letters of apology for being sassy or rude and 500 word essays explaining why they shouldn't do what they did and how it affected others negatively because that's how they grow... by making mistakes and improving. If they're selfish, I call them out on it. If they're not being a good friend, I call them out on it. I call them out on everything, that's my job. I hold them accountable day after day. I also fought with bus drivers, teachers and coaches when those people were unreasonable or wrong, to show them that you have to fight for what you believe in, even if you stand alone.
We had no experience, no hand book, no crystal ball. We don't even know if we screwed up yet. That's the scariest part of Meghan graduating high school and starting college. I'M NOT READY. I'm not ready to set her free and "hope" I did my part. I don't think it's possible that I, who still enjoys dancing in the rain and doing the hokey pokey at kids parties and wearing neon green converse and rocking out at Blue October concerts could have possibly raised a responsible adult.
My husband is out of town this week and I have them all to myself. They sit at the table and they discuss their day with each other as I wash dishes.. They ask for each other to perform their upcoming roles or auditions and critique each other..... honestly and brutally...and they take it and they listen. They LOVE each other....... so much. It is obvious and beautiful and I think....Maybe I've made my mistakes. I dropped the ball a few times and learned. I don't know if we screwed up or how this ends up...... but they are amazing. I am so proud of my four beautiful, talented, KIND, intelligent and funny children. They make every day so much fun, so much easier to work hard for and I don't think I say that enough. I see enough kids to know, they are soooooo cool. They are also good looking, they really are lol. I pray their genes get passed on lol........
This is LONG. If you read all of this, you truly love me and I thank you for listening to my anxiety- attack babbling about Meg growing up way too fast, wayyyyyyyy too beautiful and more amazing than I ever could have imagined her to be. When people say "enjoy every moment" I can't stress to you how true that is. It seems like yesterday I was leaning over into her bassinet and realizing that her little life was in my hands. I never knew love like that. I never knew what it was to truly LOVE anyone...until I brought Meghan into this world. Chris and I adored that baby. We grew up faster to raise her, he would hold her in his arms and sing and cry...cause that's how much he loved her. She wouldn't believe that now, but it's true.
She can be difficult and over the top and very dramatic. She can be selfish, she is human. She can take what I'm saying and AGREE. It's how I know, she's raised right. She's one of the most beautiful souls that I know. She's true to herself and she is honest with her friends and it's why she will have very few, but those very few will be real and true. I cannot wait to see what she grows up to be. She will be awesome. I hope she owns the house next door and we can share a garden. I pray she always knows how much I adore her.......
The point of this is I have this baby and I'm burping her and putting her in ballet classes and a soccer team that she decides she can't get dirty in and someone tripped her on the field and she's pissed....and the next thing I know she's graduating high school, she's in love with this awesome kid and I have to let her be a big girl and release her into this ugly, yucky world and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that.....
I'm not sure if I will ever be ready to do that. I didn't want to be that Mom. But here I am. I want her to stay home with me and bake cookies, make snowflakes out of construction paper, sing Taylor Swift songs with me ....I pray she has a daughter that makes her as proud as I am....who's as cool as she is.
This is the part where I am supposed to accept that she's growing up and I have to let her fly. I'm just not sure how to do that..... All to say, I had a great night with my kids. We sang, we laughed, we shared and I was put on this earth.......to love them. Lord give me the strength to watch her walk down that aisle Graduation day ;)
